hey i just wrote this poem... want to know what you guys think. also i just want to note that this thread IS counter-forces related. anyways let me know what you think, flame if you feel the need or even if you don't.
Life... by M.M. What is life? Life is like a big obstacle put in front of your optical it'll slow you down And everytime you think you've gotten past it it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground What are friends? Friends are people that you think are your friends But they really your enemies, with secret indentities and disguises to hide they true colors So just when you think you close enough to be brothers they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin What is money? Money is what makes a man act funny Money is the root of all evil Money'll make them same friends come back around swearing that they was always down What is life? I'm tired of life
I don't care too much, but reading aloud and having to screw your mouth around 'was' just because this kid fancies his poems to be ghetto and fit in with 21st century slang must be pointed out.
Death... by R.P. What is death? Death is like a big obstacle put it behind your optical it'll slow you down And everytime you think you've gotten in front of it it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn sky What are enemies? Enemies are people that you think are your enemies But they really your friends, with hoe tendencies and disguises to hide they true emotions So just when you think you close enough to be cousins they wanna come back and cut your throat when you are lookin What is honey? Honey is what makes a bear act funny Honey is the root of all evil Honey'll make them same friends come back around swearing that they was always up What is death? I'm tired of death
The "*PEW* *PEW* *PEW* *PEW* ^^FIREWORKXZZZZ^^" Guy.
Death... by R.P. What is death? Death is like a big obstacle put it behind your optical it'll slow you down And everytime you think you've gotten in front of it it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn sky What are enemies? Enemies are people that you think are your enemies But they really your friends, with hoe tendencies and disguises to hide they true emotions So just when you think you close enough to be cousins they wanna come back and cut your throat when you are lookin What is honey? Honey is what makes a bear act funny Honey is the root of all evil Honey'll make them same friends come back around swearing that they was always up What is death? I'm tired of death
need feedback
Life... by M.M.
What is life?
Life is like a big obstacle
put in front of your optical it'll slow you down
And everytime you think you've gotten past it
it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground
What are friends?
Friends are people that you think are your friends
But they really your enemies, with secret indentities
and disguises to hide they true colors
So just when you think you close enough to be brothers
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin
What is money?
Money is what makes a man act funny
Money is the root of all evil
Money'll make them same friends come back around
swearing that they was always down
What is life?
I'm tired of life
Is grammatically incorrect,
swearing that they WHERE always down.
thank you #2 + #3
and yeah, ur poem is bad
Still, you can't have a poem that doesn't make grammatical sense.
'was' sounds horrendous to the native speaker.
'saying they was around'
Is shit.
don't you mean were? i am not stupid, please do not correct my grammar.
thank you #2 + #3
read my comment plz once what i have written.
http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/3..
http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/3..
http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/3..
http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/3..
http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/3..
http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/3..
http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/3..
http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/3..
http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/3..
http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/3..
'but they really your enemies'
Doesn't smoothly link on, but they ARE really your enemies.
I dunno,poems are things you do when you're 14 too.
Using 'optical' instead of eye / vision was comic to.
Nice one.
What is death?
Death is like a big obstacle
put it behind your optical it'll slow you down
And everytime you think you've gotten in front of it
it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn sky
What are enemies?
Enemies are people that you think are your enemies
But they really your friends, with hoe tendencies
and disguises to hide they true emotions
So just when you think you close enough to be cousins
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you are lookin
What is honey?
Honey is what makes a bear act funny
Honey is the root of all evil
Honey'll make them same friends come back around
swearing that they was always up
What is death?
I'm tired of death
What is death?
Death is like a big obstacle
put it behind your optical it'll slow you down
And everytime you think you've gotten in front of it
it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn sky
What are enemies?
Enemies are people that you think are your enemies
But they really your friends, with hoe tendencies
and disguises to hide they true emotions
So just when you think you close enough to be cousins
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you are lookin
What is honey?
Honey is what makes a bear act funny
Honey is the root of all evil
Honey'll make them same friends come back around
swearing that they was always up
What is death?
I'm tired of death