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Counter-Strike: Weenus' CPL Day in Review

By: Jason Bass - Published December 19, 2004 at 12:19 PM EST - Writer Archive
Bobby "Weenus" Hicks writes another satirical column from the CPL. This time he is talking about the events Friday and Saturday at this winter CPL.
This is a column by Bobby Hicks, and it may not reflect the opinions of Gotfrag. It may not even reflect reality. Actually, it definitely doesn't reflect Gotfrag or reality... but it's still great! Huh?

Day three closes in a typical shroud of disappointed players and crushed aspirations. Teams seen as favorites in the running have been shut down. Complexity made a mad dash for the upper bracket finals with a tough road, but they fell short against the equally passionate Rivalco.


While I usually would call Rivalco a group of chumps, I have to say, they have proven themselves consistent. Earlier this year I had made a comment basically calling them a fluke, and I was wrong. Rivalco proved to us all that they could once again get within first place, and completely blow it against EYE and NoA. Thanks for another third place showing, Choxadus. No, I'm just being hard on them, I really must say I'm eating my words for my article earlier this year, Rivalco did it again, as did D!E. Both teams had awesome repeat showings. USA seemed to harness the strength of their confidence without a dominant SK attending, with Team 3D, D!E, Complexity, and Rivalco all showing up in the top 10. One big surprise that snuck up from behind and bit just about everyone in the ass was begrip. I can say with brutal honesty that I was discussing begrip with Matt "Gouki" Gibert, saying that they would be only an obstacle. Begrip turned up in 4th place, with close wins over just about every decent team that beat them. TEC was their first real casualty in the upper brackets, having the match completely won, when Begrip came out from under taking the match. Most of the other matches, they commanded. They even put on a round leading clinic for Astralis, who was simply humiliated by Begrip.

Most of the teams struggled in the loser’s bracket, as it was generally a melee down on the bottom, each team pouncing each weaker enemy.

Xeqtr explains  where the flashbug is in Nuke
One of the bigger shocks of the day was NoA versus EYE. Most of you now know that the rounds were overturned, and NoA went on to lose. From watching the match progress, I feel that NoA basically had it won. I also feel that if the dispute had been ventured into further, the end result would have been NoA over EYE. Can NoA take EYE in the finals? Definitely. I felt by the last eight or so teams that NoA was probably the last hope at keeping EYE out of a return championship. We'll see soon.

The communication between the members of NoA is laughable. It’s not bad, it’s just full of hilarity. Every time NoA said a word, it was somewhat uncertain, or almost self mocking. One thing NoA has continued through this tournament was screaming "This is OUR GAME!" and it’s mainly Xeqtr and Shaguar, who have developed almost a 'Buddy Cop' sense of brotherhood. They fight, they disagree, they argue, but when they beat Rivalco, Xeqtr nearly open mouth kissed Shaguar in a tight embrace. These two secretly love each other. Give it a week until they're the scene's hottest new couple.

Another thing I have noticed over the week, and had trouble commenting on, was the Titan's team Manager. This man has a shaved head, with a Bio Hazard symbol on the back of his skull, and the letters "T.N.T." tattooed over it. If you have ever been curious about what its like to have a strange man's hand up your ass, attempt to get through Custom's looking like that. This man is obviously a thrill seeker, because I'm sure that traveling internationally has to be a wild ride looking like that.

Moto buries his head in despair 3D also came up short, obviously because of Dave Geffon earning them a skill point of '6' in the US scouting report. Don't worry guys, there's always next WCG.

United 5 was a team that easily fell before due time. Begrip gave them their fatal touch, sending this loaded team home long before they should have.

Da Bear's Curse over United 5 (16-14)... So close Erik...

In a media report, over just the past few days, I've watched more ignorant camera man prod their professional grade handhelds and shoulder mounts complete with microphone and Highway Patrol issue spotlight in the faces of many clutch round players. I've heard multiple complaints about this, and even a story about a Fuse Camera man making players sign release forms IN MID ROUND.

KilleGirl working hard for Amped at CPL
Another huge note of this tournament is Amped News showing up strong for two CPL's in a row. CPL summer's massive staff of about twenty two onsite was dwarfed by the intensity of Onsite photographer, Killergirl. Being the only looking glass that Amped had into the Winter CPL, she proved vital, giving up to date shots of Sunman, Sunman, and Sunman.

An Esportsea pug made it to day two, including a huge match against former somebody, Bigdog's current team. The team was thrust like a pitbull's red rocket into four overtimes after a member of Esportsea botched a bomb defuse by not binding their use key. Esportsea is currently holding lessons from these players on Counter-Strike. Sign... me... up.

In related news, Bigdog was banned from the CPL for 32 years, the maximum ban possible for the tournament. What did he do? Well, there's a lot to this nugget, but in a nutshell, he pissed in a gatorade bottle, at the suggestion... of a CPL ADMIN. When they confronted him on the advice of a blue shirt volunteer during the LIVE overtime match, he grew furious. On his way out after the win, he walked past the Admin NOC, yelling "F**K YOU, I'm out." at tournament director Justin. He was escorted out by Police Officer's shortly afterwards.

Warthog and Coene of GotFrag?'s coding staffed worked around the clock to provide a php code which would calculate the CPL event the year BigDog may return. TEC was still placing top 32.

Possibly the most devastating news of this tournament, I had lost five dollars to members of D!E, betting on the 3D vs Rivalco match. Thanks a lot, Moto, thanks for stealing my pride at ESWC, my heart at WCG, and my money at CPL. I hate you Dave Geffon, I hate you more than NoA hate's flashbangs.

Tomorrow, EYE and NoA will be facing off on de_inferno for the finals. D!E has once again landed top 10, Rival has once again landed 3rd place, and NoA has a guaranteed 2nd place finish. Well community, you've been boozled. See you tomorrow, when Counter-Strike once again slaps us all in our ugly faces.

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