DA vs. ePred

Nick: In an arguably questionable strategic maneuver, the once full-of-love gamers of amor have gone down a slippery slope in becoming Internet Predators. One may look at this move as a psychological game of chess on the e-battlefield, but this reporter has his doubts on its effectiveness. But they aren’t completely alone in their name-changing game of tomfoolery. The former army of the great wizard Dumbledore was stricken with a Curse just as the gates of this season opened, and it has made those soldiers nasty and blood-thirsty. They meet on the beaches of Anzio, Italy, in what some are calling a battle of epic proportions. Unfortunately for the now cursed soldiers, one of their own has allowed his new sickness to fool him into playing for multiple teams and, thus, has resulted in his banishment from the battlefield for a period no less than 2 months. His brothers in arms are pleading with officials to reverse the decision, but if it does not occur then this reporter can equate their chances to that of a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

IP> DA by points

 

Matt: Internet Predators came out last week and pooped all over Super in their Cal-I debut. DA on the other hand is sitting at 1-2 for the season and doesn’t look to improve with Analog being the Yao Ming of Dumbledores Army. Look for A Lan Will Yamz to shoot lots of people in the head, making his job easier will be Alex “I Blatantly Strafe Script” Kirk, and Nathan “-FM-Pantera” Gotch. According to this spiffy roster I was sent, renton and hann will be on rifles for DA/Cursed. Good Luck! Put ao_ on that Kar if you want to stand a chance. With ao on stoss, look for most of the DA action to be coming from k4boom and Austizzle. I say ePred wins this one by a cheater 3-2, or by about 2-3 Caps.

 

 

Super vs. AYE

Nick: One of the most hated teams in this Day of Defeat continues its quest this week as they face the appropriately named AYEBAYBAY. Luckily for this Super team, they don’t care of the hatred that has spawned from hundreds of greasy nerds on an internet website. The self-proclaimed “Best Team in Invite” could have their hands full, though. In what was originally described as the best free agent acquisition in the history of Day of Defeat, AYEBAYBAY General Christian Hatmaker signed ruthless mercenary Gary Bavarski to an incentive-laden deal at the beginning of this season. Unfortunately for Mr. Hatmaker, Bavarski brought along his genetic jackhammer to the fold, and soon after his signing, he impregnated the beautiful Mrs. Bavarski with some of the strongest swimmers the sperm community has ever witnessed. The resulting leave of absence for Mr. Bavarski has lead this reporter to believe that all hope may not be lost for the team called Super. You see, they, too, have added firepower to their arsenal in the form of the much heralded “Fallen spot.” A spot so rare, yet so powerful, that if it were to get into the wrong hands then the world as we know it would be doomed. Wait, what’s that? There is no Fallen spot on the beaches of Anzio, Italy? Well then it is the opinion of this reporter that the soldiers yelling AYEBAYBAY could pull off the win here!

AYE > Super by few points

 

Matt: The best/worst team in invite. Don’t worry though, just wait until we do our makeup match with AYE, then we’ll see who has the lower RPI. The epic battle of underachievement. I seriously doubt either one of these teams expected to start off 0-something this season, and I would look for them to come out swinging this week. I don’t know what the deal with Super is, hopefully poizoned can pick up whatever weight it was that m0b was carrying on his back, since this team hasn’t won since losing him. As for AYE I don’t know what their excuse is, maybe Christian “I’ll never be as scene as Steve Hisey” Hatmaker is too cool to win matches, it’s very possible folks. I think AYE has a good chance of holding plaza a majority of the time with badnewspanda (best player ever) playing. I think stealth might also have the advantage over Fallen, it should be interesting to see. Christian and Fluxx are going to have their hands full with blkop and poizoned.    It’s going to come down more of who’s bridge team can help out their sniper more or who can successfully rotate plaza. All in all, I think AYE is going to take this, but it could go either way. 

 

 

No Luck vs. jetty

Nick: If there was ever a difficult battle for this award-winning reporter to predict, it could very well be this one. Although jetty comes into the arena as a heavy fan favorite, their lack of passion and dedication could be their downfall, for the soldiers with No Luck are the epitome of dedication in these trying times of battle within the realm of Day of Defeat. With the alleged “lives” of the jetty members interfering greatly in their online battles this season, it could be months before we even see this showdown occur. And when it does occur, one wonders aloud which soldiers will suit up for the encounter. The soldiers who claim to have No Luck, could very well see their fortunes turn for the better, especially with one Craig Young and one Connor Iorio leading their charge. On the beaches of Anzio, this duo will need to watch all four Rambo movies and vicariously channel him through their own bullets if they hope to achieve great victory.

Jetty > nl by points

Matt: How long are we going to have to wait for Jetty vs. Thunder, honestly? Any who, newcomer to Cal-I noLuck started off their season last week with a solid when over NPG, while Jetty has improved their record to 2-0 after a surprisingly close win over AYE. No matter how much Iorio cheats online Sean Kalas should be able to handle him with his CPL++++ Experience Points. Also with John Gale (force winds) and Jetty’s other rifle ?(brad?) going against Jackson and Equis bridge should hardly be lost. As for plaza, this one is in Jetty’s favor as well, with the recent addition of Wedo to play along side Riv. They will be squaring off against ob and willeh. Unfortunately for these two the only heads that will be turning this week are their own as their getting shot off by running, jumping, Kellen and prone wedo. I don’t see noLuck standing much chance here, depends on if Jackson can hit a nice streak at the same time someone on his plaza team does, and if Steve Hisey doesn’t run around and fr4g everything with the stossboss.

 

 

 

Matt: This is going to end up being one of the more lopsided matches this week. United Gamers roster can in no way stack up to TAP on either side of the map. Vasily and Tiacus will go against alpha and Janice as far as the rifles go. Patten will be facing off against Bluerevolver. The battle of the heavies will be Mission and Scangus against spoon and hXc. The sniper battle will be the closest as far as the matchups go considering Nick Patten spends 90% of his time lurking around IRC as opposed to doing anything else. Mission should be able to handle plaza by himself leaving Scangus to run around and frag UG’s bridge team in the back, which he will do very effectively. 

 

 

nPg vs. 3hLCM

Nick: Some of the most beautiful women in the world come from the land of Brasil. Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Roberta Murgo are all stunning. Google them, you’re sure to agree. Unfortunately for the hordes of Day of Defeat fans that will be tuning into this battle, there will be no beautiful women to please your eyes. Instead, you will be pleased by the sites and sounds of bullets ripping through metal and into skulls. As for the teams themselves, that’s a completely different story. No one knows for sure what Nascidos Pro Game means. It was once thought to derive from an ancient Chinese proverb meaning “He who walks silently through the dark valley with the head of a goat.” Today, some contest that meaning, though. Noted linguist Joel Williams asserts that the meaning is roughly translated to “One who picks bananas.” Regardless of the meaning, one thing is for sure: these soldados brasilieros mean business. The other team began as a combination of two warring factions who put aside their differences for the greater good of humanity. The 3xtreme Lawn Chair Mafia Humiliation not only provides a mouth load to say, but also a mouth load to love. If they could bring all 13 of their soldiers to this war, they could pull off the victory. But since they cannot, I must side with the fighters from Brasil.

nPg > 3lcmh by points

 

Match of the week:

BnG vs. thunder

Nick: In my younger days I did partake in the activity known as butt naked gaming, but for me those days are long past. Luckily for our viewers at home, there is a group of young warriors willing and able to not only carry on the tradition, but also make it a part of their very being. A group of young comrades, these warriors will storm the beaches of Anzio with their manhood flailing as a sign of camaraderie and solidarity. But standing in their way could quite possibly be the loudest clap of Thunder ever heard by human ears. The thunderous soldiers they face don’t need legs, sleeves, or baseball to achieve their goals; oh no, they only need tree trunk legs and broad shoulders of one Chris Rivas to carry them passed the finish line. One could say this battle will be fierce. One could also say both the New York/New Jersey area and Tennessee are the biggest piles of crap to ever gain acceptance into our great United States. Regardless of what one says, the talking in this debate will be done with screaming bullets and sharp knives cutting through flesh and bone with no preference or bias towards one or the other.

Thunder > BnG by points

Matt: I’m going to put this as my MOTW. It might not be the closest but I think it will definitely be the most entertaining. BnG recently acquired Dorito and will be partnering him with Dyel!fe. They will have to face up to Prop and Mexicant at bridge in what should be an interesting battle. I’m not sure if Netherhell is rusty at all, didn’t look like it last week, but he’s got a tough opponent with Colin. Que needs to really step it up this week if BnG wants to stay in this game. Thunder will probably send Corey double windows plaza, have fun with that Stevie and bosley. You get to deal with that and, Ryan and Grant proning around the map. If Stevie and bosley don’t play gay/smart like Ryan and specops they will end up getting overrun at plaza and could cost them the match. If BnG’s plaza team can play “smart” and pick up some kills, and prevent bridge from getting flanked, they have a good chance to upset. Don’t know if that will happen exactly...