"It was the fact that he did not respect me as a gamer at that point that really got to me."

Please introduce yourself to our readers.

My name is Caitlin and I play under the tag V3NUS from the PMS clan. I am 21 years old and currently am a senior in college going for a degree in business.

Could you give us a little insight on your non-competitive gaming history?

I've been playing consoles since before I can remember and first got into pc gaming with a game called Blood and then continued on to DukeNukem3d, Quake and UT. I always played casually or by myself, since none of my other friends who were girls ever played video games.

Caitlin concentrating on her A game

CPL Winter 2005 was your first competitive Quake event; how was your experience?

It was amazing. I went to the tournament not expecting much since Quake4 was the first game I began to play seriously and only had 2 months to do so. I knew I'd be competing with long time veterans so 2 months was definitely not enough time to get any where near them. It was more for the experience of 'the first tournament' than reaching goals or placement. Regardless, I was extremely nervous going into that first match against RocketBoy.

Speaking of which, what was it like having all of the cameras on you in the early match-up?

I actually approached TSN and asked them not to film the match and choose a more interesting/deserving match to broadcast. After talking to some of the TSN guys, I threw all worries aside and just decided to go for it. I figured if I had fun, it would be ok. The cameras didn't really bother me too much. I tend to get a little animated when I game, so I was worried that it would look bad on camera. I haven't seen the footage, but I guess it went well.

Playing poker in Fatal1ty's room

What did you do to pass the time at the event, especially after all of the match delays?

I was in the BYOC most of the time. Unfortunately I didn't have many opportunities to LAN, so I wanted to take advantage of all the time I had there with such great gamers. Other than that, we went out a few nights and hung out in Fat's room playing 360, poker and a few others. That's always a good time.

Did you take home any amusing stories from the event?

It seems so long ago, it's hard to remember specifics stories. However, I think the highlight of the tournament was my first kill against RocketBoy on the second map with the gauntlet. I could just hear the whole crowd go crazy through my headphones. It was great. I even have a picture of it mid action.

A female gamer interview wouldn't be the norm without a few boiling questions. What's it like being a "Girl Gamer"? What are the pros, what are the cons? Or is it not as black and white as it is painted out to be?

Being a female gamer is a lot harder than most people think. Sure we get a lot of attention and stick out among the vast sea of male gamers, but it's a lot of pressure coming from a million different places. It's as if we represent the female market right now and have to earn the respect of the community while trying to get it out to other girls that it's ok to play video games and compete. The most important thing to me is that I don't want to be known for being a GIRL gamer. I want to be known for being a great GAMER. However, it takes a lot of work to break free of such a title. Being so new to the gaming world and having to play catch up to all these pro guys who have been playing for years is extremely difficult. The girl gamers just haven't been around as long and we are so few in numbers that it's hard to fit in sometimes. We go to these tournaments and guys don't look at us as competition yet. It's only a matter of time I guess before we can gain respect and compete on an equal level.

      V3NUS with fellow PMS mates
           Honey & Perfect Dark

In the past, it was especially difficult for me to break into the gaming scene because I just didn't have friends who did it or understood such a passion. Thankfully I found the PMS clan about a year ago, and was able to gain confidence as a gamer with them. I love all of those girls and everyone in our community so much and thank them endlessly for all the support throughout the past year. Before I joined PMS, I rarely let it known that I was a girl when I played on line. All the constant badgering and annoying "are you hot?" questions were incredibly disheartening whenever I let it known that I was in fact a girl. It was like, "why would I want to be a part of a community where I would just get harassed all the time." With PMS, I found a group of girls who had the same passion and drive to compete professionally as I did. They went through the same things I did, and now we all are fighting to end the negativity towards female gamers in order for a new generation of female gamers to grow up in a more welcoming environment. In the past year alone, I have noticed a huge change in the acceptance of female gamers. It's as if the community is starting to realize that scaring all the females away might not be the best idea. There are a ton of guys out there that have supported and helped me a TON the past few months and I owe them especially a lot of thanks. It is guys and a community like that who make me feel welcome and inspire me to work harder for all the other female gamers out there. Overall, I want to shatter the gender line within gaming. It is perhaps one of the few sports where such things are possible.

V3NUS laying back in the BYOC

How do you feel about female-only tournaments on the side of events?

Honestly, I don't like female-only tournaments. Anything that segregates the 2 sexes just makes it that much harder for female gamers to be taken seriously. Plus, I heard so much drama about how the female Quake3 tournament at Quakecon last August had a larger payout than the guy tournament did, that I just don't want issues like that to even exist (not sure if that was even true or not). In order for female gamers to gain the respect and level of professionalism necessary for tournaments, we need to be able to compete (and win) on the same playing field as the guys. It's the only thing separating male and female gamers at this point in time.

You bring up an interesting topic. Unfortunately, it is true that many female players today are met with uninhibited slander. Did any of that negativity find you at CPL Winter?

I would say about 90% of the people I talked to or played with were very supportive of female gamers. One time I was playing a guy in the BYOC, I don't recall his gt [gamer tag], and I was up by a few frags. After a few nice rails on my part, he called me a 'fatty'. That's not really a big deal, and it didn't bother me that much, but I thought it was interesting because he would never use that insult if another guy was beating him. It was a direct hit at me that he knew would piss me off because I am a girl. It wasn't the fact that he called me a 'fatty', but the fact that it was a gender based insult that really bothered me. The only other thing that kind of upset me was during my match with RocketBoy. An important guy in the community, who will remain nameless, came up behind me in the middle of my match and made a rude remark. I'm not sure if he realized he said it or if he did it intentionally, but I definitely lost respect for him after that. It was the fact that he did not respect me as a gamer at that point that really got to me.

What led to your attendance at CPL Winter? Someone doesn't just wake up and decide they want to fly down to Dallas.

I was actually signed up to compete at Summer CPL on Painkiller. Unfortunately, at that time I didn't have anyone to LAN with and didn't even know anyone playing the game besides the pros on the WT. Therefore, I was only playing the game online. The online community for PK was horrible, and I just started to hate the game with every passing day I attempted to play. After carefully considering my options, I decided it was best to not play in the tournament as it would have been a huge embarrassment. I went to Summer CPL to support other gamers and have fun instead.

V3NUS on top, at least for a while

When PK fell through, I decided that I would have to compete at winter CPL to redeem myself amongst the PMS community members who were disappointed in my decision to not compete at summer. As a result, I got back into Quake3 a little bit over the summer in hopes of Q4 being the chosen game for winter CPL. When sign ups started and began to fill up rapidly before the game was even released, I decided to just throw myself into it. I knew in order for me to start training seriously, I had to have something to work towards. Winter CPL just seemed the obvious choice. As a result, I ended up playing a TON while still in school full time and working on a regular basis. Needless to say, I put my social life on hold for those 2 months. I still don't think I've been fully forgiven for sitting at my computer desk for 8 hours a day playing quake. But I think it was worth it. With a better game and more people to play with, I guess you could say that Winter CPL just felt right.

Well, that's about all I have for you. It's been a pleasure meeting you, and I hope to do so again in the near future. Anything you want to say, any last words before we wrap this up?

Yeah, I actually just want to send out a HUGE thank you to everyone who supported me and all the other girls in the tournament at CPL. It means a lot to know that we are welcome within the community. Also major thanks to all those who trained with me and allowed me to boot camp with them prior to the winter tournament. Thanks to you David as well. It's been a pleasure.